Overheard in Hogwarts
by omnomnivore
Summary: For the Overheard in Hogwarts challenge. This will be a series of unrelated drabbles using the quotes given to us as prompts. Ron gets bit by Fluffy and Slughorn is drunk, and Draco got his ass kicked by Hermione, so far.
1. Fluffy, Quotes 4 and 17

A/N: This is for the Overheard in Hogwarts Challenge. The underlined stuff are the quotes we were given. I'll be doing a short series of drabbles that probably will have nothing to do with each other.

* * *

"I hate that god forsaken dog!" Ron yelled as he grasped at his bleeding shoulder.

"Now, don' be so rude ter Fluffy, he didn' mean no harm by it." Hagrid protected his over-sized, three-headed dog.

"But, he bit me!" Ron gasped.

"Well, we need ter treat tha' before ya die…" Hagrid started saying before Ron cut him off.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BEFORE I DIE?!" Ron screamed.

"He 'as venom in 'is teeth." Hagrid said as if that were obvious, which to him it probably was.

"Well, are you going to treat me or not?!" Ron asked impatiently.

"You have to apologize to Fluffy first." Hagrid told Ron.

"For what? _He_ bit me, not the other way around." Ron said angrily.

"You kicked 'im afer he bit you."

"But it's my birthday! I'm not petting the dog! I'm not going near the dog!" Ron whined.

"All ya 'ave ta do is pet 'im on 'is head." Hagrid said happily.

"But, Hagrid. Please don't make me do near Fluffy again." Ron begged.

"I won' 'elp ya 'til ya pet Fluffy." Hagrid said before going into his house, leaving Ron, Hermione, and Harry on his doorstep with varying expressions of shock on their faces.

"I'm going to Dumbledore." Ron said before marching off to the castle. Harry and Hermione just shrugged and went to the common room to finish homework for Charms.

"Professor Dumbledore? May I speak to you?" Ron asked.

"Of course, Mr. Weasley. Anything in particular bothering you?" Dumbledore asked with a slight smile on his face.

"I got bit by Fluffy and Hagrid won't treat the bite he gave me." Ron complained.

"Why will he not treat you?" Dumbledore asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"I won't apologize to Fluffy for kicking him after he bit me." Ron stated sourly.

"Then apologize." Dumbledore said.

"I refuse to go near that thing again!" Ron shouted.

"You need to whatever Hagrid says and if he asks you to pet the dog, for the love of God, you pet the dog." Professor Dumbledore said matter-of-factly.

"But…but… Fluffy has three heads!" Ron said indignantly

"Oh, well then you better pet all three heads. You don't want the other two heads to get jealous and bite you, do you?" Dumbledore said with his eyes on full twinkle.

"THAT'S MY POINT! I'M NOT TOUCHING THAT DOG-THING EVER AGAIN! I ALREADY WAS BIT ONCE!" Ron yelled at Dumbledore like he was a nutcase.

"Well, I hope you like dieing." Dumbledore said walking away whistling tunelessly.

Ron stood there flabbergasted for a moment before he ran to pet Fluffy. He said sorry and then rubbed each head behind the ears. The dogs slobbered on him and he ran all the way back to Hagrid's.

"Hagrid?" Ron called out.

"Yes, Ron?" Hagrid said from his garden.

"I went and apologized to Fluffy. Look at the slobber on me! It got all over me though, so my wound may be infected now." Ron stated.

"Oh, you'll be fine then. Fluffy's slobber was the cure." Hagrid said before turning away and going back to work on his garden.


	2. Drunk, Quotes 3, 5 and 18

A/N: Underlined parts are the quotes I used.

* * *

"Horace?" McGonagall questions her colleague.

"Yes, Minerva?" Slughorn answers.

"Why do you smell like alcohol?" Minerva asks sternly.

"Because it's Tuesday." Horace answers, tucking into some eggs.

"You have to teach your students after breakfast and you're drunk! Go take a sobering potion!" McGonagall orders in her most condescending tone.

"Oh you and your rules!" Slughorn exclaims.

"Yes, Horace, listen to Minerva." Dumbledore tries to say without smiling.

"Oh and you're so perfect?" McGonagall questions Dumbledore.

"No, but I figured I should back you up." Dumbledore responds without trying to hide his smile and with his eyes on full twinkle.

"You are impossible!" McGonagall exclaims before sweeping from the Great Hall.

"What's her problem?" Slughorn asks Dumbledore.

"Not the slightest idea." Dumbledore answers with a small laugh before turning back to his breakfast.


	3. SPEW, Quote 2

A/N: The part of the underlined quote that isn't underlined is a subsitute for what was previously there.

* * *

"Would you like to sign up for Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, Draco?" Hermione asks, shoving her coin box in his face.

"I'm wearing elf leather boots. Does it look like I give a shit about Elf Rights?" Draco answered as he shoved Hermione away.

"You're WHAT?!" she asks, severely pissed off.

"You heard me, mudblood! I'm wearing elf leather boots, very expensive." Draco sneered.

"I'm gonna kick your ass and then hang you from the rafters of the Great Hall!" Hermione shrieked.

---

Later, that day, when everyone came to the Great Hall for lunch, they saw Draco Malfoy hanging from the rafters in Gryffindor boxers with ferrets on them. He also had S.P.E.W. pins on the boxers. He fainted as Hermione walked in the Great Hall and sat at Gryffindor table with a smirk on her face.


	4. Voldy, Quotes 19, 22 and 38

A/N: 2 small Voldy drabbles for the challenge.

* * *

"From now on, you will obey me!" Voldemort commands one of the gingerbread man he had just baked. The gingerbread man stayed silent.

"You! I will kill your family!" Voldemort says as he points at the gingerbread man. The gingerbread man still stays quiet.

"AVADA KADAVRA!" Voldemort yells at the cookie. After its 'death', it looks extremely burnt and its gum drop buttons are melted.

---

Voldemort woke after a long sleep and goes to the Malfoy Manor. He had to confirm want he thought he saw.

"Lucius!" Voldemort yells after he enters the Manor.

"Yes, master?" Lucius asks smoothly.

"Did Harry Potter die?" Voldemort asks with as much happiness he could muster.

"No." Lucius responds warily.

"Oh… I must have had that dream again." Voldemort says to himself.


	5. Melted, Quotes 26 and 49

A/N: I got the inspiration for this after watching Wizard or Oz. heeheehee

* * *

"Fred, will this really work?" Ron asked his brother hesitantly.

"Probably not, but it'll still be fun to try!" Fred answered exuberantly.

Hermione had just introduced the Gryffindor common room to TV. Dean and the other muggleborns weren't impressed, but everyone else was. Fred and Ron had become particularly obsessed with the muggles view of witches and how they melted. They decided to try out the theory and were gonna throw water on Hermione. At the moment they were sneaking up behind her. Just as they were about to dump it on her, she turned around.

"What are you two up to?" she asked as they held the bucket of water above her head.

"Well, see we were going to see if you melted." Ron explained sheepishly.

"Ron!" Fred hissed at his brother in frustration. Fred let go of the bucket and hit Ron on his head. The bucket dropped and some of the water slopped on Hermione.

"FRED! RON!" Hermione yelled at them in frustration.

"Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley, what is going on here?" Professor McGonagall questioned sternly.

"Fred and Ron were being idiots!" Hermione hissed at the boys.

"Clean this up you two and 10 points from Gryffindor." McGonagall ordered.

She turned to leave and Fred glanced at Ron and they nodded. They picked up the bucket and poured it over McGonagall's head. To their surprise, it worked and McGonagall started melting.

"I... I just... melted. I melted." McGonagall said in surprise as she finished melting into a blob of goop on the floor.

"Wow, you're very slimy looking. You look kinda weird." Ron said, but seeing McGonagall's goopy glare, he added "I don't mean slimy in a bad way. You look kinda like soup or something."

"Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley!" rang a voice from further down the hallway.

Fred and Ron looked at each other and said "Uh-oh!"

"It seems you have melted my deputy headmistress and your head of house, how delightful! I never thought that would work!" Headmaster Dumbledore said in obvious amusement with a slight smile and his on full twinkle.

"ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE! THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER! GET ME BACK TO MY BODY OR I SWEAR I WILL HAUNT YOU UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE AND I'LL MAKE SURE YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THE PAPERWORK!" McGonagall threatened.

Dumbledore complied instantly, he did a quick bit of magic and McGonagall transformed back into herself. "You wouldn't really make me do all the paperwork, would you?"

"I would, just to teach you a lesson!" she said walking away. Because Dumbledore intervened Ron and Fred got a free pass.


	6. I Forgot, Quote 29

A/N: My next chappie. Yea! Sorry for the break.

* * *

"Albus?" Horace Slughorn asked as he entered the Headmaster's office.

"Yes, Horace." Albus acknowledged his presence.

"I have a moral dilemma." Horace stated nervously.

"Does it involve alcohol?" Albus asked mischievously.

"No." Horace said looking slightly offended.

"Does it require alcohol?" Albus rephrased his question.

"No! It does not require bloody alcohol!" Horace roared angrily.

"Well then, what seems to be your problem?" Albus asked.

"I forgot." Horace said, looking confused.

"You forgot? In that short span of time, you forgot?" Albus asked incredulously.

"Yes, I think that may be the problem though." Horace said.

"You said it was a moral dilemma, though, and I don't think forgetting is a moral dilemma." Albus said in half seriousness and half amusement.

"Well, I think I may have tried to perform an Obliviate on someone and it backfired." Horace said as he looked everywhere but at Albus.

"Oh, well, if I find someone who says you tried to Obliviate them, I'll ask them why. As for you, you punished yourself since in about 30 seconds you won't even remember this. I suggest you write everything down from now on." Albus said.

"What were we talking about?" Horace asks.


End file.
